March on, Christian Soldiers

Published on February 20, 2006 By stevendedalus In Politics

If the Religious Right and Neo-Catholicism become the ruling party thereby canonizing all the Republican Presidents of the United States, will all saintly images be effaced from history books and cartoons and pictures of the contemporary presidents be off limits? Or— even worse — will each of the canonized be depicted with beards, halos and biblical robes bestowing blessings upon the worshiping majority while wreaking vengeance on the infidels of the soul-less minority? Subsequently, will the Christian soldiers brandishing their swords, and shields of the Holy Rood, corral the Satanic secularists — particularly the pro-choice Magdalenes — and submit them to the canon of Bishops, O’Reilly, Hannity and Limbaugh, the vindictive Triumvirate of the New Inquisition?

Lastly, will free speech — but for the din of the Falwell-Robertson pulpit — be categorized as mere mythology, and all political cartoons shredded and their artists burned at the stake?

http://stevendedalus.joeuser.com

Comments (Page 1)

ParaTed2k

on Feb 20, 2006

Have you seen any evidence from the Christians in the US that any of this is even remotely happening?

I see Christians and Non Christians alike willing to lampoon, parody and otherwise satire all the people you mention. I have done so myself. So far, no one is rioting over them...

bakerstreet

on Feb 20, 2006

I have to go with my first thought here and ask you, are you on crack? If you would, could you give at least some indication of what all that hyperbole references in, like, the real world? Jeez, steve. Put down the pipe.

BlueDev

on Feb 20, 2006

Wow. This article is so far removed from any semblance of reality. I just don't know what to say. You were one of the more liberal people I actually could respect the way you wrote. But this is just so far over the edge.

DJBandit

on Feb 20, 2006

Wow, I don't get it. Is he trying to say that the Right Christians will be the death of the US? Can someone explain this, if possible?

stevendedalus

on Feb 20, 2006

Cheez, guys, you can't recognize a satiric parody! I suppose, if the Bible stated that Jonah swallowed the whale you'd believe it.

ParaTed excepted.

stevendedalus

on Feb 20, 2006

Put down the pipe.

I did, but if I hadn't I would have used rap "lyric."

Wow, I don't get it. Is he trying to say that the Right Christians will be the death of the US? Can someone explain this, if possible?

And the Lord thy God saith, "Let it be thus."

bakerstreet

on Feb 20, 2006

It just shows that we take you seriously, steve.

BlueDev

on Feb 20, 2006

Cheez, guys, you can't recognize a satiric parody!

My parody sensor must need some recalibration.

stevendedalus

on Feb 20, 2006

It just shows that we take you seriously, steve.

How good of you!

My parody sensor must need some recalibration.

Too much Ipod?

Daiwa

on Feb 20, 2006

It just shows that we take you seriously, steve.
How good of you!

Guess you're still in parody mode.

DJBandit

on Feb 21, 2006

And the Lord thy God saith, "Let it be thus."

I was hoping the answer would make more sense not confuse me more. Sorry if my history or religion is not up to par with you guys.

stevendedalus

on Feb 24, 2006

Can someone explain this, if possible?

What's to explain? Religion, though at times uplifting, can be taken much too seriously.

BlueDev

on Feb 24, 2006

Too much Ipod?

Most likely.

DJBandit

on Feb 24, 2006

What's to explain? Religion, though at times uplifting, can be taken much too seriously.

As I said in my previous reply:

I was hoping the answer would make more sense not confuse me more. Sorry if my history or religion is not up to par with you guys.

I can get the "too serious" part, I agree with that. But I don't have a clue what you wrote on the article itself. I just wanted to understand what you were trying to say.

stutefish

on Feb 24, 2006

Most parodies must have an element of "funny because it's true", in order to be recognized as parodies and also to succeed as parodies.

Since the Catholic Church doesn't depict its existing saints in the manner described, it's kind of a stretch to make a joke about how they would suddenly do something totally different, saint-wise.

The other implications are equally ungrounded in reality.

The "Religious Right" is a term used to describe a protestant faction. The entire fantasy falls apart in the first sentence, where we are asked to imagine protestants and papists joining forces to form some kind of political Voltron--easily the most hilarious part of the story, and the part most unlikely to ever happen.

Also, the implication that an increase in the power and influence of Protestants and Catholic would lead to the downfall of a nation is pretty unrealistic.

Historically, Christianity in both its Catholic and Protestant forms, along with Hellenic and Roman traditions, have been strong and influential cultural and political forces in the rise of Western Civilaztion. The Enlightenment occurred in the Christian, Hellenic west. "Christian" nations such as Britain and the United States achieved the last several centuries' great works of medicine, architecture, engineering, botany, biology, theoretical mathematics, etc.

Going by track record alone, I'd say a parody based on Islam's power to drag down great nations would make a lot more sense. See also: Communism. Of course, in reality neither of those are very funny at all.

This, on the other hand, is an excellent Catholic joke, based entirely on things that are actually true about Catholicism:

One day, as Jesus was preaching in the temple, some people brought before him a prostitute. They demanded that he pass judgement on her, and condemn her to death by stoning. This was the legaly penalty for prostitution. Jesus would have to issue such a ruling in order to protect his reputation as a teacher of the law.

However, instead of condemning the woman to death, Jesus knelt and wrote something in the dirt at his feet.

Then he stood up and said, "let someone who is without sin cast the first stone".

No sooner had the words left his mouth than a rock came arcing over the heads of the assembled crowd, and struck the prostitute right between the eyes.

"Mom!" Jesus exclaimed. "Stop doing that!"

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!